"

you said goodnight
but you meant goodbye
and i didn’t realize
until I passed out 4 days
later after waiting up for
you to come home
and having the wind
knocked out of my chest
when I figured out two things:



1. I would never get to touch
your mouth again
2. You were going to be
what kills me

"
- (via extrasad)

(via extrasad)

"

but maybe snow is just angels
flicking ashes from their
cigarettes down to earth
and the days we spend home
from school playing in powdered
crystals will leave us coughing
up smoke when we turn 16

and the light pink dress your
mother used to make you wear
will turn red where it hits your
hips and kisses the tips of
your wrists and your mother
will ask you why there’s blood
on all your clothing and you’ll
pretend like you haven’t been
doing drugs in the bathroom
at school and crying so much

and one of these days I’ll scream
at you to kiss me and you’ll do it
and we’ll both burn into the ground
and watch our bones melt into
nothing because we are nothing
even though we’ve got ourselves
convinced that we’re the world
but at least your lips are against
mine

and you don’t always feel it at
first but when you feel it oh god
you feel it

and liquor seems like a good idea
until it’s not

and you’ll get better at feeling sorry
for yourself and bandaging cuts

and you’ll get better and finding
the stars under your skin and
learning to breathe again

and you’ll lose your fucking mind
but you’ll find it
again
and again
and again

and I’m terrified of growing up and
leaving behind chapped lips and
peach tasting kisses and fireworks
and headaches and eyes filled with
oceans pouring down your face and
flooding your mouth
but I would go anywhere with you

"
- Growing Up (via extrasad)

(via extrasad)

"

1. Last weekend I almost called you but I didn’t want to bother you and my hands were shaking too hard to dial anyway.

2. I kissed a boy I met a few weeks ago. I swallowed my tears when he wasn’t looking and when I showed my mother a picture of the two of us, she told me he looks a lot like you.

3. I fell asleep on my best friend’s couch and she told me I was crying in my sleep the way I used to when I missed you.

4. Last night I was driving alone and the air felt like it did the first time you kissed me, when everything was cold except for us and cool air was hitting my teeth because I couldn’t stop smiling. I almost crashed the fucking car.

5. I was in the store today and I saw a keychain with your name on it and I bought it. I’ve been squeezing it in my hand so hard it’s leaving marks on my skin. There are still marks on my skin from the night you left. I’ve stopped thinking they’ll go away.

6. I watched your favorite movie 4 times today.

7. The boy I sit next to in English class smells like you.

8. I was just calling to see how your little brother is doing.

9. I stopped drinking peppermint tea because it tastes too much like the days we used to spend together. I also stopped sleeping.

10. You left some stuff at my house, maybe you should come pick it up and we can get coffee or something.

11. I play your favorite song a lot. I don’t even fucking like it.

"
- 11 ways I tried to tell you I really fucking miss you  (via extrasad)

(via extrasad)

"

1. We met in the waiting room of our therapist’s office. He told me that orchids symbolize death and stuck one behind my ear. I kissed him too hard and my mother asked me why the scent of liquor was hanging off all my clothes. 8 months later I left white oleanders on his grave. They’re poisonous. I think we were too.

2. He drove too fast and I played music too loud and kissed him while he drove. We were our own accident waiting to happen. We almost drowned one night when we fell into a lake in the middle of winter. When we fell in love. He left me a note telling me that being with me was like being alone. I deleted his number but kept it written down in the back of my old social studies notebook from middle school. I have called him 8 times since then.

3. God, I would’ve fucking died for him. In a few ways, I did.

4. He fucked someone else because he hated the way my scars would split open and bleed all over my clothes. I took a lot of pictures of him. They’re still in my attic. I tried to burn them once but my hair caught fire instead.

5. I never knew his middle name. He spoke in poetry and choked down cigarettes and never answered my calls. I held his hand too tightly. He would climb in my window and fall asleep next to me. I think he had nightmares most nights. My mother found out he was staying over and kicked him out. Everything stopped smelling like him. I hate it.

6. We tried to run away but we were only 16 and we weren’t allowed to buy train tickets so we took a bus but I got sick halfway and threw up my parent’s worried voicemails. He took me to some shitty motel and let me sleep while he went out to buy drugs. We went home and never saw each other again.

7. He would touch my best friend’s thigh under the table when we all went out. I pretended not to notice. He pretended to love me.

8. We wrote each other love letters and he cut my hair to my shoulders. He tasted like coffee with two packets of sugar because that’s all he drank. He was still tired all the time. I wish I could’ve woken him up. My hair is down to my waist now. I can’t remember the sound of his voice.

9. I’m not sure if I ever even loved him. I think I might’ve been so in love with him. He lived next door. Our mothers hated each other. When he was 6 he pulled the flowers out of the garden in our backyard. When we turned 17 he followed me home from school and kissed me. He would wipe away my tears when I cried. And then a new girl showed up at school and he started taking a different route home. He pulled all the flowers out of my fucking garden.

"
- 9 boys my mother warned me not to kiss  (via extrasad)

(via extrasadsmom)

"

1. I met a boy that tasted like blueberries during the summer of 2011. He taught me how to kiss and where to put my hands, and I was young, and maybe a little stupid and a tiny bit too trusting, but I felt everything.

2. I met a boy that tasted like cigarettes during the summer of 2012. He taught me how to inhale twice- once for the smoke, and the other for the head rush, and I was young, and maybe a little desperate and a tiny bit too lonely, but I felt everything.

3. I met a boy that tasted like gin during the summer of 2013. He taught me how to paint with watercolour and the art of avoiding a hangover, and I was young, and maybe a little empty and a tiny bit too sad, but I felt everything.

4. I met a boy that tasted like blood during the summer of 2014. He taught me how to kiss and where to put my hands, and how to smoke & paint with watercolour & the art of avoiding a hangover, & I was suddenly old and a lot bit heartbroken, and I couldn’t feel anything at all.

"
- Long term relationship (via u-u-tf)

(Source: u-u-tf, via extrasad)

myskinnylife:

Tumblr has taught me more about feminism, womens rights, rape culture, slut shaming, mental illness etc, more than school ever had. So don’t you dare tell me this website is a complete and utter waste of time

(via broken-from-memories)

meoplelikepeople:

When I have kids, the rule is going to be, ‘you can be whatever you want to be; a doctor, an artist, a stay-at-home-mom, a stripper, a monk. You can be gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, straight and everything in between. You can be a UU, Christian, Hindu, Ba’hai, Atheist, Questioning, whatever. You can be any gender you want, just tell me, and I will support you. But the minute I hear about you bullying someone, we’re going to have a serious problem.’

(via obviouspoetry)

Kik me I’m bored

wild-rness:

I use humor to cover up the fact that I want to jump off a bridge

(via obviouspoetry)

"She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn’t supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."
- Rainbow Rowell, Eleanor & Park (via punkgarageband)

(Source: larmoyante, via obviouspoetry)